• Isha Ashley Knight

How Motherhood Exposed My Inner Strength

Updated: Nov 26, 2019

Becoming a mother is the most beautiful lifelong blessing I could ever ask for. Every single moment, from finding out I was pregnant, to birthing my daughter, to our shared growth almost 7 months post pregnancy, has and is magical in ways I never understood before. No matter how many mothering experiences were shared with me before birth, I was unable to fully grasp what being a mother truly meant and is, until now. Though, we are still so fresh and have many chapters ahead, my gratitude for mothers grows with each transition we make on our own journey. Whilst it is beautiful, we cannot deny that motherhood is challenging.

For the first few months of my daughters life, the challenges were endless. Learning how to breastfeed (we succeeded though I experienced my share of pain), how to cope with sleepless nights (I didn't actually cope, rather, struggle through), how to maintain the household (it took a backseat, which made me very anxious) and most importantly how to remain on the same team as my partner (my partner is incredibly supportive and a wonderful hands on father, yet we still struggled at times). Six-and-a-half months down the line, I am very pleased to say, much of this has been sweetly kissed goodbye.

Welcoming the next chapter (newborn stage for me was bittersweet) has been "easier". My daughter is becoming mobile, keenly weaning, waking less than 39473286596104 during the night (but still 5+ most nights) and eagerly learning from everyone and everything she encounters with. With this, getting out and about, feels more "comfortable" as she is becoming less fragile and exciting as she is fascinated by her surroundings. As ocean lovers, we opted to take her to the beach and capture some precious moments. Although, I mentally ticked every single box of necessities, I failed to envision the journey from the car park to the water front and gave myself quite the challenge.

Imagine walking down sandy, rocky tracks carrying only your body weight, then imagine carrying a baby in your arm too. Add tons of steep staircases and a bunch of other wild hearts in front and behind you, making the same climb. Now, imagine all of that, except you're going uphill. Bare foot to allow for more grip. Under the burning sun. Tricky, right?

During both climbs, a few comments were made from Passerbys. "Woah, I'm scared climbing this for myself... but you have a baby!" "OMG, there's a baby." "Wow, you did that all with a baby?" "Go mama." "You're doing this all barefoot."

In response to the last comment, I replied, "It feels easier to grip this way and I'm still getting used to what I can do post baby!"

This woman's response hit deep. "Well, clearly, you can do A LOT."

I was unsure what to reply as my mind began flashing through scenarios and my body felt overwhelmed with emotions. I finally calmed on visions of experiencing THE WORLD with my daughter as long as I was cautious and my emotions eased with feelings of pure strength, accomplishment and acknowledgment that I really could do a lot with my daughter. It is as though, this adventure was not only to show our precious baby her parents most loved place, or to capture precious moments, but to help me kick all of my anxieties in the ass and show myself what I am really capable of. I realize now, that quite frankly, Aurora has not hindered my life, but enhanced it. I can choose to become anxious and ill with worry about what I can achieve as a mother or I can embrace the new obstacles motherhood has forced upon me and spread my mothering wings. I choose to trust my wings... and so can you.

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